


Anchorage

by Nherizu



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Future Fic, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-07
Updated: 2012-06-07
Packaged: 2017-11-07 03:35:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/426501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nherizu/pseuds/Nherizu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Allen can't sleep, more often than not, his feet will unconsciously halt just a few meters from Kanda's room. Strangely, though, his sleepless nights happen only when Kanda is out on missions, like tonight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anchorage

**Author's Note:**

  * For [a1y_puff](https://archiveofourown.org/users/a1y_puff/gifts).



> (Originally published on April 22nd, 2011)
> 
> Disclaimer: D. Gray-man is Katsura Hoshino's.
> 
> Beta-reader: Becca 2793.
> 
> Warning: the early drabbles are 'Timeline? What Timeline?', as well as a 'Link? Who's Link?' fic.
> 
> So, since a1y-puff requested a fic, I asked her some prompts (which I planned on choosing one). But in the end I used all the prompts she gave me. But anyway, this is my first not-so-subtle Yullen fic ever (because a1y-puff asked me to write something like this xD;). So yeah, celebrate it? *is shot* xD
> 
> P.S. This is like a collection of drabbles, but they are all connected (from the beginning till the end), so I prefer to call it a one-shot ^^

**Anchorage**

**Anchor #1 - No Time to Think**

It was war, so Allen knew that they didn't have time to think. Thinking was the higher-ups' field, and the exorcists' duty was to fight without having to think about anything. Because the second they wasted their time to think, their loved ones would die.

Moving quickly, using their innocence effectively, completing whatever order given, protecting the ones that were dear to them… As if those things were 'normal', exorcists did everything automatically—it was all set on auto pilot.

Allen didn't remember the last time he thought about something before his body took action. He didn't remember, but he needed not to. Because just like now, when his arms tangled around Kanda's neck, skin feverish under the not so gentle touches, tongue locked with Kanda's and warm breaths puffed into spring air…

Everything seemed natural.

Well. Thinking was unnecessary. For the existence of Kanda Yu had dominated all of him, even before his brain could process anything.

**…**

**..**

**.**

**Anchor #2 - The Second You Sleep**

When Allen couldn't sleep, like tonight, he would loiter around the headquarters aimlessly until his legs gave up and the temptation to fall into slumber perched on his eyelids. And more often than not, his feet would unconsciously halt just a few meters from Kanda's room, forcing him to stare at the door.

Strangely, though, his sleepless nights happened only when Kanda was out on missions—again, like tonight.

Now Allen was there again, staring at Kanda's door. His whole body wrapped in an over-sized sweater, back resting on the wall as he munched the midnight snack Jeryy always made him before going to bed. It was silent all over the place—too silent, as the noise the Science Department created wasn't so loud for it to reach this part of their new headquarters. And Allen kind of hated the atmosphere.

"Beansprout?"

Jolting up at the call, Allen turned to see the voice origin—someone who was walking from the far hallway.

"…Kanda?"

At the mention of his name, Kanda's left eyebrow rose a little, mouth twitched in what seemed like annoyance. "What the _fuck_ are you doing?"

"Wh—?" Allen stopped munching, and realized what he had been doing. "Oh this, no, I don't plan to do anything creepy with your room."

Kanda's eyebrow rose higher, but he kept walking until he was right in front of the other boy.

"…And I thought you were on a mission," Allen added with a sigh.

"What?" Clearly Kanda's voice couldn't completely hide his exhaustion. "I can't come back now?"

"Of _course_ not." Allen wanted to roll his eyes, but he quickly swallowed the remaining sweet in his hand instead. "But aren't you supposed to be on a mission until next week?"

Crossing his arms over his chest, Kanda snorted exaggeratedly. "You still haven't answered me, moron."

At this point, the irritation, and mostly resignation, had hit Allen. "Fine," he said. "I was just—I couldn't sleep, so I thought if I came here then I could, maybe, sleep. Like usually."

Kanda was silent for what seemed like an eternity for Allen, but he finally gave up to the puzzle in his head. "What _'usually'_?"

Now it was Allen's turn to stay in stillness, before he threw away a reluctant answer. "…It means I can't sleep each time, stupid."

Kanda gave him a long stare. "… _Huh?_ "

Oh how Allen wanted to smack the thick skull inside Kanda's head with his innocence arm.

"Nothing," Allen said, no longer in the mood to be questioned. "Well, since you're now here, I'm going back to my room. Good night."

Therefore Allen turned around, taking the first step to the direction of his room before suddenly his arm was grabbed firmly, halting his journey.

"What are yo—?"

"No one told you to leave," said Kanda as he practically dragged Allen's body towards his door, dropping Allen on his bed once inside. And when Allen was about to open his mouth to protest, Kanda shoved him aside so that Allen was pressed against the wall, and ordered, "Sleep."

Allen didn't argue. It didn't mean he didn't want to, especially since Kanda was all but nice—acting all rude and arrogant, but… As Kanda took his uniform off and untied his ponytail, Allen could not help but enjoy the view before him.

Kanda was silent. It was as if the meaning of 'silence' itself had been associated with the man. But the silence he offered was different, it was nowhere near the warm kind or the sweet kind. Still it was comfortable, or maybe reassuring—enough to bring Allen's eyes the sleep they needed.

So tonight, while it was nice all the same to keep staring at Kanda's door while the owner was away, Allen thought, it felt a lot better to be asleep while having Kanda's sleeping face just beside him.

Though he couldn't really see it for he had lost his consciousness even before Kanda finished polishing his Mugen. Well. It was a pity, but—

The second Allen fell asleep in his room, was the moment Kanda kind of—treasured.

**…**

**..**

**.**

**Anchor #3 - I Can't Be Cool**

With Kanda, Allen was all but collected. The occasional insult war, or the fiery wrestling competition in the practice hall, or even the heated sessions in bed—Kanda seemed to have pulled a string in Allen that made Allen release whatever inside him without having to put his mask on.

With Kanda, his heart burnt with flame—determinations, competition, even the little things like annoyance and irritation from their childish fight. Of course, if asked, Allen wouldn't know what part of him that enjoyed being with Kanda. The moment of tranquility they had was nothing near to their moment of anger—it was like comparing his height to Kanda's, or his appetite to Kanda's. Quite large, although Allen _hated_ to admit.

Still, it was all he knew. It was all _they_ knew to show affections.

And if it meant he could always be like this—with Kanda—he wouldn't mind being in rage every bloody time Kanda did something stupid. Though he wasn't sure if Kanda thought the same—considering Allen's skin had been losing its pale complexion, growing the colour of bronze day by day.

Well. He didn't hope for Kanda to keep wanting him. Everything would be alright as long as he didn't lose himself, didn't lose his mind.

Didn't lose the him who could love.

Because while it wasn't the scariest thing that could ever happen, he still feared it all the same.

**…**

**..**

**.**

**Anchor #4 - Blurry Eyes**

Sometimes during the night, footsteps of someone very familiar would echo throughout the dark hallway and stop right by the door.

Then as if Allen could see through the thick metallic partition, he would sit up on his bed and call a name with a genuine smile engraved on his lips. The smile that would fade away the second the person cracked the door open and stepped inside.

"You're supposed to be sleeping." Allen rolled his eyes, as if— _as if_ —the presence of his guest was an annoyance.

"Don't want to," was the answer to his remark, and Allen couldn't help but form another smile once his guest turned around to drag a chair by his bed.

"Really. You could come visit me during the day, not sneaking in every midnight like this." Allen faked an exasperated sigh, leaning his back against the headboard. "Kanda," he added for good measure.

Kanda merely growled in response, fingers entwined with each other above his parted knees. "So what if I wanted to come at night…"

Now Allen failed to hide his smile, cheeks slightly flushed as his skin had come back to its normal complexion. "Well, the head nurse wouldn't let you escape if she knew that you come to the sick ward without her knowing."

Kanda's eyes bore straight into Allen's, seemingly not amused at Allen's information. Then his gaze moved lower, to where the off-white bandages snaked around Allen's pale chest, pumping lightly along Allen's breathing.

"He's dying inside."

Kanda perked up, and found Allen stared at him gently.

"He's dying," Allen repeated, fingers clutching the fabric of his blanket tighter,"nonetheless he's still alive."

They exchanged stares, nothingness prevailed upon the sick chamber, and Kanda broke it with a low grunt, "Then I failed."

Through the blurry vision of his, Allen swallowed the sight of Kanda remaining still on his chair. So he shifted, slowly, sitting on the edge of the bed to claim Kanda's entire being inside his embrace, carefully so that it wouldn't open the wound on his chest.

"Thank you," he whispered.

Not moving even a muscle inside Allen's arms, Kanda retorted, not so harshly, "I failed, beansprout."

"Oh, you so very much failed, I know," Allen said with chuckle, tightening his embrace until Kanda had no other choice but to slump his forehead against Allen's shoulder. "It was a pity. But to think that you hesitated…"

Kanda's long fingers crept up Allen's back, clutching the fabric of Allen's pajama and staying there, unmoving.

"You hesitated to kill him because you were afraid to kill me."

_Because this time, you were different. You were you, and you thought of me while stabbing me. That is what makes the difference. That is what all that matters._

_That is what makes my vision blurred._

Kanda tightened his lips into a thin line, and Allen rested his chin on top of Kanda's hair.

"Stupid beansprout."

Allen answered only with a smile.

**…**

**..**

**.**

**Anchor #5 - Wind of Change**

"He's somewhere in Greece."

The simple postcard didn't have anything written on it, not even the sender's name, but—Allen just knew it was from Lavi.

"I've been to Greece once, with my master. This building, I think it's in Greece," he said while pointing at a picture of white-painted building on the front side of the postcard.

"He's still an idiot," Kanda said, keeping his pace as he walked. "Sending it without anything written. Stupid."

Allen chuckled at that, pocketing the postcard inside his beige coat. "Come on, you know that's how he shows his care. And he's a _bookman_ , not an idiot."

Kanda merely threw a _'tch'_ as a response.

The air enveloping them brought the scent of winter; Allen took a deep breath and gazed at the baby blue sky. Ethereal clouds covered the soft golden ray of sun. Everything was still the same.

The chattering women in the street, the running children, and the boisterous laughter of men as they worked the day—all of them were still the same. There was no trace that not so long ago, a holy war took place—a battle of humanity that was not, and never would be, recorded in history. Except of those made by Bookmen.

In silence, they walked. Kanda several meters in front of Allen, while Allen was so busy observing his surroundings that his legs found slow steps as the right choice. When their distance had become too far, Kanda would show a frown, yet halt his journey until Allen caught up with him, and they repeated the same thing over and over again.

As the sun became the shade of orange and twilight approached quietly, they arrived in a place that used to be called the Order. Their home, at least until tonight. Tomorrow everything would be different, and Lavi's postcards wouldn't reach their hands anymore. This place would become one of those abandoned lands, buried under the secret of humankind.

Seeing the cracking ruins and the empty spaces which were so lively and full of meaningless tools and inventions before, Allen brought a hand to his chest.

"It feels unreal," he said.

Kanda scrutinized Allen's face with a raised eyebrow. Allen's eyes wavered and his pale cheeks had been marked with pink from the cold.

"It _is_ real," Kanda said.

Allen laughed at that. "Yes it is, but… I thought if we defeated the Earl, I would be happy. We would be happy. And everything would change for the better—"

—but it didn't. Everything was still unchanged, and the things he had done up until now felt like a dream. His friends seemed like parts of his bad, yet joyful, dream.

Was it wrong to feel hollow now that their reasons for living had been accomplished? Even losing his other self—the one he wanted to get rid of his body before, almost made him feel lonely, somehow.

Winter breeze blew the harmony of snow, trespassing the now broken building, caressing their cheeks painfully as though slapping them into what was called reality.

"The wind..." Kanda's words were left hanging.

"If only it were the wind of change," said Allen.

"Every single thing needs time, beansprout."

Allen stared at Kanda's eyes. He cut their distance to drop his forehead on Kanda's shoulder, and a serene smile formed on his face.

"Yes... And the wind knows their names."

Then quietly, softly, between the rough kisses Kanda rained him with, Allen murmured each of their friends' names. The names that laid forgotten by the world, the apostles of God—heroes of the secret holy war.

But at least the wind knew—it was already more than enough. And when tomorrow came, it would be their turn to start living anew as mere humans.

 

**~~**every ending is the beginning of something new**~~**


End file.
